It stopped getting fun, this crush, or admiration, or almost balanced commensalism… whatever this is. Though it’s really supposed to be a casual friendship with one party so much more invested.
Last Valentine’s Day I didn’t even know you. But this Valentine’s Day, I went to great lengths just to avoid seeing you with that girl. Now that this Valentine’s Day passed by with me hanging on to these unresolved, unrequited, unspoken feelings… I get to thinking, what if I reach one year still stuck with these useless feelings?
In a couple of hours, it will be my birthday.
The thought makes me tingle with excitement right to the tips of my fingers, the yipee-Happy-Birthday-to-me! instinct from childhood kicking in. My adult self tries to make the child in me calm down. Come on, don’t get so worked up about it–in the grand scheme of things, it’s just another day. If you expect too much… you’ll only be disappointed.
Sometimes, I wish people didn’t put so much in store with birthdays.
If there’s a vacancy out there for “surprise maker” I think I’ll do a good job of it. For birthday celebrations in the office, we usually try to think of a way to surprise the celebrant. My crazy ideas, however, are out of the question due to time constraints, small budgets, and the (un)willingness of other people to go all out. I’d do very well thinking up “professional” surprises.
That crazy quirk of mine makes a lot of would-be surprises seem pretty normal to me though, deflating the bubble of anticipation.
What will February 12, 2011 bring?
Right now, at least I’m sure that I’ll spend this year’s first birthday celebration with the Breakfast Club. Drinks and talk and fun and then breakfast.
P.S. One of my birthday wishes this year is to do a birthday countdown next year with somebody that I’ll also spend the tomorrow of my birthday’s tomorrow with. =)