It’s no secret that lately, I’ve been feeling miserable. All other aspects of my life are going terribly, aggravating my writer’s despair, and I feel like I’m steadily sinking in a bottomless pit of depression. And all my negative feelings are plain as day, all over my face, discernible in the lethargic way I carry myself lately. My office friends ask me what’s wrong, and say they miss my smile and laughter.
But more than that, they also try to find ways to cheer me up.
I carry my MP3 player with me at all times because I don’t want to have to see you (with her). I pretend it’s an object of intense interest, that I can’t take my eyes off it, and hear nothing else but the music.
I miss the times when one can call out to the entire department: “Let’s eat!” and instantly, many would reply “Okay!” or “Wait for me!” When one can grab the hand of anyone in the department and say: “Come with me!” When one can plan a TGI-day and invite everyone in the department.
Dear Friend M,
You must have been shocked when I cried: “No, we’re different. I’m sure of it.”
But when you said: “We’re the same, I also wanted to be a writer, but I gave it up in high school,” instinct took over me and I wholeheartedly expressed what I believed to be the truth.
It stopped getting fun, this crush, or admiration, or almost balanced commensalism… whatever this is. Though it’s really supposed to be a casual friendship with one party so much more invested.
Last Valentine’s Day I didn’t even know you. But this Valentine’s Day, I went to great lengths just to avoid seeing you with that girl. Now that this Valentine’s Day passed by with me hanging on to these unresolved, unrequited, unspoken feelings… I get to thinking, what if I reach one year still stuck with these useless feelings?
My team leader at work is a soft-spoken person who always remains composed and rational. We’re very different in the sense that I am spontaneous, bordering on hyperactive at times, while even in his excited state, he’s still calmer than I usually am.
I’ve always respected him because he’s intelligent and skilled, and goes beyond that—he’s creative and has precipitated several changes in the department, for everyone’s benefit. Luckily for me and my teammates, he’s also a believer in work-life balance and always checks on our particular situation: whether we’re getting too heavy a work load, or have too many different tasks, or are in some kind of bind. Ever since he became our team leader, I felt less like a drone in the gigantic corporate hive and more like an individual with my own voice.
Recently, I discovered that we have a common interest in traveling.
Sometimes, I love it when my first impressions of a new acquaintance are shattered.
One of my favorite friends from the office, “F” is a ‘Chinese-Filipino from De La Salle University.’ She missed our first day at work, but even based on that short description, anyone straight out of college can already imagine what kind of person she might turn out to be. Surprise, surprise—she’s a witty, imaginative anime and J-pop fangirl who can match even me in terms of kookiness, and understands my dreams and ideals.